This time 20 years ago you were preparing to go back to Qatar for a little while and come back, at least that’s what you told me. The end of July, 2001 you stopped by my place one last time to see your daughter and I, you had to leave because your scholarship was canceled and your father refused to support you any longer and told you to go back home. You assured me you would come back for us and we would only be apart for a little while. Baby Shouq who was 1 1/2 watched as you left in Mohamed’s old red Toyota Tercel with no hub caps. The next day you called me at work on your way to the airport telling me how much you loved us and will come back to take care of us.
Days, weeks, months passed by, we would message each other, I would save money to buy phone cards to call you but they would only last 2 minutes. I spoke to your mother on the phone once, I really believed you would come back. You sent me gifts with your cousin Ali when he came to visit California, I still have them. I would ask your cousin about you, your friends, anyone who knew you. I begged the college to take you back, sent you the school visa but you never came back. Eventually the messages and phone calls stopped and I waited 2 years for you to come back. I didn’t want anyone else but you and I prayed every day to be with you. I will never know what happened in those 20 years because you hate me now and refused the DNA test because you know you would be the father and that would open a new case. You don’t even have any kids and never married, when I saw you in court I wondered if you were still into women or switched to men because of the way you treated me. How could someone you gave your heart and soul to treat the other like an enemy?
I only wanted to have an adult conversation with you but you wouldn’t give me closure and I will never have closure because I will never stop loving you no matter what. I know I must be crazy but the time I spent with you were the best years of my life even through the ups and downs. When I look at our daughter I see you, I just want to know why you hate me. We are old now, not much time left in our life, just give me a reason to forget you.
Here’s to another 20 years………….